I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
