my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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