I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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