Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize