and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
