I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
