i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
