I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
