Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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