im drinking this country out of the recession.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
