Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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