Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
