Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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