I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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