Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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