Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
