I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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