Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
