Jerry, you need to find god
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
