I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
