Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
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The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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