I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
