I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
