my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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