One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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