Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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