somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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