woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
