I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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