Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you will always have a special place in my vag
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
