we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
