So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Randomize
