They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
