also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
