tell your sister to shave her snatch
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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