I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
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Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
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Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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