We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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