My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
