i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
