Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I just googled if crying burns calories
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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