Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
