Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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