I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize