i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Why are your pants in the freezer?