Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(262): View more from Wisconsin

I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.

Fav 13 5980 1432
share tweet
(484): View more from Pennsylvania

he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...

Fav 5 2730 1561
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(620): View more from Kansas

Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.

Fav 26 1382 4623
share tweet
(807): View more from Ontario

If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.

Fav 13 2703 1117
share tweet
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Read it at the TFLN blog
(917): View more from New York City

You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.

Fav 4 1640 762
share tweet
(256): View more from Alabama

He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."

Fav 6 2465 883
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(234): View more from Ohio

For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.

Fav 4 695 1108
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(210): View more from Texas

I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer

Fav 2 431 586
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(519): View more from Ontario

I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.

Fav 1 63 5
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT