you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
