If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
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