the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
