When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
