He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
