I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
