I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize