i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
