We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
