Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
