I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Drake has all the answers
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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