mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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