Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Randomize
