id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
