I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
