we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
