i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
