So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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