Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
