we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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