That's intense
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Floor bacon is actually really good
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
